When Your Clothes Just Don’t Fit

Officially I have lost 30 pounds. I got on the scale this morning and it said an amount. I got off, waited for the scale to reset, and stood back on it. Repeat 8 times in a row, because there no way that I have actually lost 30 pounds. Later I’ll call Derek and tell him to buy a new scale. This one must be broken. 

In all seriousness, wow. 30 pounds. Where did they go? How was I this successful so far? Do I actually look different? Will I wake up tomorrow and gain all of that weight back? To me, these are the beginning to the endless set of questions I ask myself everyday, every time I see my reflection. Who is this health nut person who likes to run (even though I still am horrible at it) and gets excited for tofu and zucchini noodles (separate, not together…..or maybe…)? Who is this person who people ask for health and fitness advice. It certainly isn’t the Jesse I have know the past 5+ years.
When I first started gaining weight, I was so deep in denial that couldn’t see the surface of reality. My first wake up call should have been when I went to put on a pair of jeans and I ripped the inseam out of them. My excuse: I must have shrank them in the dryer. So instead of wearing regular jeans, I switched to jeggings. Problem solved. 

My real slap in the face was a few weeks before student teacher, my poor mother sat me down. She apologized for what she what she was wanted to talk to me about, and then informed me that we needed to go to Macy’s because I had “gained a little weight and needed better fitting dress pants.” I laughed it off and we bought several pairs of elastic waisted dress pants and skirts. I felt like a grandma. Bye designer jeans and tops, I’ll see you after my diet…. I mean the diet I’ll start next week. I mean this diet that I’m starting next month. Just kidding the diet I’m starting after I finish this pizza. And then on went this pattern until February 2016. 

When I first started losing weight, I told myself that every time I lost 10 pounds, I’d buy a new outfit. After completing the 21 day fix and losing 12 pounds within a month, I figured this would be easy to do. When I bought my first victory outfit, I was so proud. It was a pair of jeans, a brown blazer, and a blue button up blouse. I could still wear some of my other clothes, so I continued to. Everything was great. Well guys, sorry but losing weight and doing it in a healthy way isn’t that easy. 

One thing that is really hard for me to accept when losing weight is that I can lose inches without actually losing any pounds. I think this scale is evil for this reason. I can have clothes barely staying on my body, but only lose 3 pounds. What? How is that fair? 

Over the summer, I gained back a few pounds while changing jobs several times. I had bought new shorts at the beginning of summer that fit perfectly. Flash forward through the crappy decison to change careers from teacher to receptionist (what was I thinking) to the good decision to become a trainer for early childcare teachers. By the end of summer two of the four pairs of shorts had gotten a bit too tight. Reality of not focusing on my health and body set it. I had another reality check a few weeks later when I went to put on a new hoodie and it was so tight I couldn’t fully pull it over my chest. Honestly it was so tight, I had to yell for help from Derek to get it off. I vowed right then and there no more. I was not going to gain back all the weight I had lost. Not a chance. No way. Not happening. So I got back on Weight Watchers (I had quit over the summer to save some money.). I texted my friend/coworker and asked her to help keep me accountable. She agreed, and with a good support system at home and work, a better mindset, and determination I started again.

The pounds started falling off again. Most of my everyday clothes were way too baggy. They actually made me look chunky, and let’s be honest no one looks cute with a saggy butt. 

I had maybe 3 pairs of pants in my closet that I could still make look decent. One being jeans (Actually not my victory jeans. They were too big.) and the other two dress pants. The first weekend of November, Derek and I went to Columbus, OH for a long weekend and I stopped into my favorite store, H&M. I bought two pairs of dress and a new pair of jeans. There were some other items too, but these were my new skinny girl magic pants. Let’s talk about an excited Jesse, I had not been able to buy anything at H&M without an elastic band for years. Now look at me, 3 pairs of zip up/button pants. 
I really started working out after this trip. Tops started getting baggy. I started getting droopy butt again in the last 3 pairs of pants from preweightloss. I couldn’t steal Derek’s t shirts as often because I started swimming in them. My giveaway pile continued to grow larger and larger. But I still had my magical H&M pants. If they were dirty, I would be sporting leggings. I actually have more legging days than any other type of days. I vowed to go back to my promise of only buying new clothes every 10 pounds. 
Let me tell you how that isn’t working for me.

My leggings are starting to get saggy. Several of them have been added to the giveaway pile. I have not lost much pound wise the past two months, but I must be losing inches. I noticed about 2 weeks ago my magical H&M pants were getting loose. My jeans are skinny jeans, and with the right shirt, it’s hard to tell the waistband can stretch out 3 inches from my body. My dark blue dress pants are hard to tell because they are so dark. My khakis however really shout “Captain Saggy Pants at your service!” So much so that when I got home from teaching a training the other night Derek hysterically laughed at how baggy they were. Talk about a kick to ego. 
So here I am mid weight loss journey. 30 pounds gone, about 30 more pounds to go. For the past 5 years I have lived in a world of ill fitting clothes. For about a year I was “Clothes too tight denial Jesse.” 

Then for the next 3-4 years I was “Grandma Hiding Under All of Her Clothes Jesse” or “That Girl Doesn’t Know How To Dress Her Body Jesse.” 

And now I’m “Saggy Butt Jesse.” 

But you know what, in a few months I will be “Look at her Jesse.” Captain Saggy Pants can continue rule the roost while I am on this journey. Derek will laugh at my baggy pants. My friends will tell me to stop wearing articles of clothing because they are too loose. I will get frustrated while trying find something to wear that isn’t leggings. In the end it will be worth it. 


Author: jessethephoenix

Teacher, learner, dog mom, and nerd

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